to the 43rd tireless man

Dear Anonymous Train Rider --

Have you checked your watch? No? Oh, well it's 5:30am. How on earth you have the energy to yell, wave, stamp, and holler is beyond me. The fact that you assume others are graced with that same energy is simply egocentric.

Your indignation is cute, too. You flatter yourself to think that every woman on the train ought to ackowledge you. You flatter yourself to think that you are the only man who thinks this way. I don't care that you're being drafted by the NBA and going to college. I don't care if you're the fucking president. It's 5:30am.

Somehow you think that raising your voice and insulting me will scare me into talking to you. Darling, I've had lots of practice. If I had even the slightest reason to believe that you would simply leave me alone, I might have spoken to you. In my experience, that is simply not the case.

Ironically, the same thing that gives you the right to yell in my direction for 30 minutes without taking a breath also gives me the right to ignore you. You're a person? So am I. I should at least acknowledge you? Not where I come from.

Sincerely,
"Too-good-for-you lady" from the L

day 73

Is it Christmas yet?

so close

I just sent in my final assignments for my content literacy class, which means one paper and one class separate me from being completely done. Makes me want to skip around at 7 in the morning.

asl

I have started teaching ASL to my students for some of the more common words and letters that we use every day. For example, letters of the alphabet and months of the year. I always planned to do that last year, too, but it never went beyond "Please" and "Thank you."

Anyway, I just looked over and saw N nearly falling out of his chair trying to read the alphabet in ASL from my picture cards and teach it to himself. He's been having an awful day and that made me a little less frustrated with him.

a musical tribute

One of my former students came up to me during lunch and handed me a "song." It was a piece of paper.

In case you don't read first-grader, the words say:

Ms. Haley is an awesome teacher. She always have time.
She never go away.
I love Ms. Haley.
Also, me and Nakiya love Ms. Haley.

I'm so full of myself that I made her sing it for me twice, so that I could record it.

an important lesson

At the beginning of the year, I came up with a system for lunch duty. I created the schedule and the routine. You might say that because of that, I feel a bit like I'm in charge of making sure that lunch runs smoothly. You might also say that some other teachers are less worried about making sure that lunch runs smoothly.

The result? I end up running around, policing 125 children during lunch every other week. Before I became a teacher, I had no idea what that was like. I want you to imagine that someone has just told a child in the room that you have candy in your pockets, but you won't share unless they ask you over and over -- and it's all a sick joke because you don't actually have any candy.

Now, multiply that by 125.

This week, after two teachers left at the same time (so that it really was just 2:125), I decided that I need to stop worrying about the entire room.

Now, if you walk into lunch you will observe that one quarter of the room is calm, collected, and in their seats while the rest of the room goes bananas. But at least I don't feel crazy.

day 65

So far, Day 65 has been a pretty accurate representation of my day-to-day. Adults annoy me. Children come and restore my faith in my profession. We get some work done. Things aren't perfect but they're good.  Scramble to do some of the menial crap that is inherent in my job and not at all related to children learning. N hits someone. N jumps on top of someone. Adults annoy me. I lose my temper. Someone asks if I'm sick (no one has figured out that I get pale when I'm angry). Mr. Q comes and restores my faith in adults. Repeat, repeat, repeat.

rejected

About a year ago, my field trip request was rejected because "buses cost $1000." Which they do not.

Today, my field trip request was cancelled because "5th and 6th grade, and 2nd grade, are all going on a field trip in December, and that's too many buses."

I am striving to dismiss things that are out of my control. But I am so sick of adults. So, so sick of them.

lovely, love my family

Our song for the show, performed by the Roots:

All we need, all we need. All we need.
Spread the love around, yeah

Sometimes when I am sitting by myself
Those quiet moments when not with no one else
I’m mesmerized by all the many good things in my life
I think about the time when I was younger
And the older that I get the more that I feel wiser
With the love of friends and family
Get stronger and it carries me on through

So I say lovely lovely lovely lovely lovely
lovely lovely lovely love, love my family
So I say lovely lovely lovely lovely lovely
lovely lovely lovely love, love my family
So I say lovely lovely lovely lovely lovely
lovely lovely lovely love, love my family

Sometimes when I am waiting for the bus
The sun shines bright and I feel peace like nowhere else
I know I'm in good health and life keeps going, I keep moving, I’m alright
I go to school and educate my mind, and the way the world is spinning
makes me want to turn around and start all over, hit the reset and go back in time.

Oh baby love me
Oh spread the love around, yeah

So I say lovely lovely lovely lovely lovely
lovely lovely lovely love, love my family
So I say lovely lovely lovely lovely lovely
lovely lovely lovely love, love my family
So I say lovely lovely lovely lovely lovely
lovely lovely lovely love, love my family

nuh-uh

Yesterday Eli and TK were in a big ol' tiff during centers. I looked over and they were doing the "nuh-uh." "yah-huh." routine back and forth. I figured that I would let them exhaust themselves, so I kept an eye on them from a distance. They began to grow louder. Finally, I was forced to intervene.

"What is the meaning of this?"

"Eli said that its called plonics. I told him that it's not. It's phonics. That's how you say---"

"Nuh-uh. The word starts with 'p.' It's plonics!"

How could I be mad at them when their arguement is over letter sound knowledge and phonemic awarness?

jinx

Last week I bragged to some of my teacher friends that I had found a way to solve a truancy problem with one of my students. One little girl was missing at least one day of school a week, and is therefore academically behind. I discovered that if I texted her mom during attendance, her mom would text back and my student would appear just 15 minutes later. I could not have been happier - what an easy solution.

Then, yesterday she wasn't anywhere in sight. I texted. No answer... She never came.

Now I can't help feeling like I should have just kept my mouth shut.

Land of I Can

Visual documentation of our progress: 

Key

Red square = 10 sight words

Cloud = Writing full name

Leaf = Letter recongition

Apple = Letter sound mastery

Hot air balloon = A-level book

Red sticker (on balloon) = B-level book

5 classes

I am FIVE classes away from pretentiously changing my professional signature.

I cannot wait to have my weeknights back for the first time in a year and a half!

sad hamburger

All morning Jay was a little off. Usually her smile lights up her whole face, and I look forward to it every morning. Today, I couldn't tease her into a smile and before 10am, she was crying. She said something about her heart hurting so I assumed someone had teased her and sent her to the cool down corner.

At lunch, she was crying again. When I came over I saw that she hadn't taken a single bite. Instead, she had made a sad face on her hamburger in ketchup. I had to stifle a laugh.

Turns out she has a bad cold and when she coughs her heart hurts. Her auntie just came to get her.

reading benchmark #3

As of today, week 15, we are about 0.38 through the year.

As of today, reading benchmark #3, we have made 0.45 years worth of growth according to reading levels.

Now, according to my plan of growing 1.65 years before June, we should already be at 0.62 years of growth to be on track. We still have a very long way to go if these babies are going to leave Kindergarten ahead.

On the other hand, the beginning is usually the slowest. We are far ahead of my class last year at this time. More than likely, our progress indicates that we are on track to meet our goals by the end of the year.

I'm going to come up with a new reading plan for Decemeber and hopefully bench them again before break.

we are family

For the holiday show, each class had to choose a word that describes them. Since the music teacher is running the show (literally), each class chooses their word without their teacher.

At first my class picked cheerful. I chuckled and forgot about it. Then, they went back for round two and Vee, the saving grace of our class on more than one occasion, came up with "family." Not an adjective, but certainly apt -- bound together forcefully, dysfunctional, caring.

Now to see what song the music teacher comes up with for "family"...

day 57

I feel a little bit like I've already checked out for Thanksgiving -- not academically with my kids, they are still working hard -- but in terms of energy and innovation. I am coasting into that four day weekend like its the biggest vacation of my life. The one upside is that I'm very calm.

I saw my two high groups in buddy reading today. Eli, who has been a terror since his twin siblings were born, is sharp as a tack. On the trick page, he sounded out "but" and "best" without any prompting. I was so proud of him! I have been working so hard with the lower groups that I forgot how far the higher groups have come. I can't wait to test them again after Thanksgiving. Sometimes guided reading is harder than whole group because they are a little harder to control, but it makes me feel like we are headed somewhere. A teacher who has one of my old students, the floor sweeper, complimented me on his reading skills -- something stuck!

During lunch five or six of my girls from last year told me that they want to come back to my class. When I told them they were too smart for me, they told me that they were learning take-aways.

In other news, N hit another girl. In the face. He had a rough morning with me and then apparently reccess didn't go so well either.

Have you ever read The Bear Snores On? If not, read it. It's such a lovely book about a bear sleeping through a party in his lair. My students told me where their lairs were (DuckDuck: behind his dresser). Then, I told them mine is the library, but what I really meant was the Art Library at Wellesley.

irony

A teacher across the hall just screamed, "NO SCREAMING!"

another perspective

A college professor spent a year teaching high school and this is his reflection. Bravo, sir. You did in fact experience some of the things that teachers experience.

Lessons learned:

1. Schools are complex
2. Students play a role in their own success
3. Teaching is not respected
4. Assessed curriculum matters more than any other curriculum

Perhaps we need to send every reformer back into the classroom to learn these lessons.

hitting a stride

Friday was perhaps the best day of the year, thus far.

While I was settling a dispute between two girls, my class took themselves to the bathroom and finished the girls in record time. All day, we maintained that rhythm and sense of purpose. They are really getting to the point where they don't need me for routines -- which is a big goal of mine for this year.

In the afternoon, we hosted a 3rd grade class for buddy reading. It was an absolute success. The 3rd graders were so patient and kind with our class -- helping students stretch out words they didn't know and gently showing them the way. Not only that, but every one of my kinders got specialized instruction for 15 minutes. Bam.

During shout-outs, DuckDuck shouted out Ms. A (who is literally never nice) because during the Honor Roll Assembly, when DuckDuck was crying for not getting an award, she said, "Sometimes we get awards and sometimes we don't." He then thanked her for making his heart feel better.

After shout-outs, Jay came up to me and asked if she could hug me. This caused a chain reaction in which everyone in the entire room attempted to hug me and then each other. It took me 5 minutes to break it up.

As we were leaving, Texas looked at me and said, "Ms. Haley, I don't want to leave. I want to stay here with you. Can we come to school tomorrow?" A chorus of ME TOO! followed.

When I told Ryan about my day, he looked at me and said, "There's the satisfaction that makes it all worth it."

at lunch today

N looked over at me and asked, "Ms. Haley, will you be my friend?"

Yesterday, when his mom picked him up she looked at me like I was about to rip a bandage off her arm. I enthusiastically told her that we had a wonderful lunch together and that he didn't play with any of his food. She started to cry. Sometimes its easy to forget how hard her life must be -- how hard to she works, hopes, fights, dreams for her son.

I sat with him again today so that when she picks him up I will be able to tell her that we had another excellent lunch.

good day for women

While most people were celebrating the victories for women post-election, I was planning for my tutoring session with Romaine.

You see, at our last meeting he did something that made me feel some feelings. After blatantly objectifying a female as she walked by him, he turned to me for validation in the form of a fist bump. I left him hanging. I also went home and began skimming bell hooks for an appropriate passage.

Today, I began with the first four paragraphs of Feminism is for Everyone. I defined patriarchy, women's lib, equity, gender, and sexism as they arose in the text. I talked about the flow of the movement, the different voices within it.

I baited. "Do we need to have men and women's voices, both, all the time?"

"No."

"What about planning for how a hospital will treat new mothers?"

"Well, two heads are better than one. And we need women when we are talking about stuff that affects them."

"Can you give me an example of something that doesn't affect women?"

"...."

Did we get to the word "objectify"? No. Did we lay some bricks? Hopefully.

day 52

I saw three guided reading groups (because I had plenty of time for provisioning before school), I got a ring pop as a gift from TK, and Ms. A hasn't taken off her shoes once. This afternoon, we are starting a new writing unit, which is always energizing. I have just a few hours left with kids and then I will two days from a three day weekend.

It's a pretty good day.

shout-outs

Now that we are in the swing of things, we are doing shout-outs more regularly. We had some good ones yesterday -- students are helping each other get their coats from hard-to-reach places, asking nicely when they need something, and playing together at lunch.

One of my well-spoken girls, S, attempted to secure her spot as the class suck-up:

"I would like to shout-out Ms. Haley for being the best teacher in the world and helping us be like first-graders."

"Thanks, S. But you're going to have to give us a specific example of something that I've done -- that's the rule for shout outs."

It took her so long that we had to wait and come back to her, but finally she said, "Because today you ate lunch with us and it made me feel so special."

day 51

N dumped out all the alphabet letters from four bags. Then he slapped a girl.

Ms. A took off her shoes so many times I threatened to take them the next time I see them off of her feet.

I squeezed in two guided reading groups, but even with my high kids it's frustrating -- they are all still so low. And the books from my provided curriculum are not the format that I would prefer.


It's been a rough morning. During lunch I listened to an entire symphony and now I feel a little better... but still exhausted.

thankful

Dear Friends --

It's the word of the month, and how appropriate, because lately I am feeling overwhelmed with thankfulness for the support of my friends and family. Last month, a friend mailed me a book club book so I wouldn't have to go out and get it. Two weeks ago, Ms. O came in and helped out for the day, sitting with N during his test -- she even entered data for me prior to the start of the school day. This weekend, I got an amazing note from a long time friend that ended with "Thank you for educating our youth. They need direction." Ha.

It is so rare that I feel appreciated, and you have really stepped up to fill that void. Thank you so much.

parent-teacher conferences

Last night was parent teacher conferences and I would say I had pretty good turnout. Counting one parent who had to reschedule because her son was sick and one parent who I'm going to meet outside of school, I had 18/23 (80%) families come in.

In case I haven't made it clear before, I love my families. They were all dashing in from work and other commitments and they got right down to business. I even had two grandmas come because two moms just had babies within a week of each other -- and neither wanted to miss the conference. Over and over I can see that all they care about is the sucess of their child. It's not surprising, but it is encouraging when you have someone say, "Ok, well what can I do?"

My favorite thing about talking to families is hearing what my students say about school (or what songs they sing) at home. For example, TK asked her mom a question that she didn't know the answer to so she said, "I don't know." TK  immediately responded, "If you don't know, give it a go." Win.

halloween

Holidays are so much more fun with kids -- I'm a grumpy convert. I'm also dressed as my teacher idol (The Friz), but none of my kids know who she is. So when I said, "Who do you think I am?" I got some pretty good guesses:

• tooth fairy
• dinosaur
• magic dinosaur

We're working on it. I love seeing my kids dressed up. It's such a fun way to learn about the things that they love. And I only have three fairyprincesspinkwing contraptions to deal with.

Later today we are going to watch an episode of The Magic School Bus instead of doing math, and I don't even feel a little bit bad about it.

day 42

Still sick, but I'm owning it. Things I've accomplished:

• Lunch with DuckDuck and X
• All report cards entered
• All reading grades for quarter 1 entered

Today, we also got a new student. I haven't got a name for her yet but she's doing the quiet, shy act for today so I haven't seen much of her personality. Her oral language is proficient, but she can't spell her name. I'm hoping that means she's primed and ready to grow A LOT. 

October's almost over.

on false promises

For example, neuroscientists have long recommended "brain breaks" every 90 minutes in order to increase productivity. The most innovative workplaces have taken notice, offering everything from office yoga to flexible work hours and napping mats. At these companies, employee health and wellness has become just as important for the bottom line as cutting costs and balancing budgets.

While parents are recharging through lunchtime workouts in office gyms, their children are tethered to desks, stuck in classrooms all day with no hope of movement in sight. Clearly something's wrong with this picture. Can you imagine being forced to sit still and pay attention to someone droning on in the front of the room for six to seven hours a day with no breaks? That's what each school day looks like for the approximately 30 percent of school-aged children in the U.S. who are denied recess.

- Atlantic

urgency

Something that I have been lacking since the year began is that sense that we must learn everything there is to learn, and we must do it today. No exceptions. Yesterday, I began my second round of BAS (leveled-reading) assessments. I was pleased to find that 6 children have moved from pre-reading to level A. Unfortunately, I then looked at my tracker and realized that that is exactly where ALL of my students should be by next week.

Now I am feeling urgent.

day 38

Today was a hell of a day. Mostly the grown ups. From a conversation with my "partner":

Her: "Well if we work hard, raise scores, they'll trust us and give us more freedom."

"Unfortunately not. We had the most growth out of any grade last year and they don't listen to my perspec --"

"Well that's about to change. They recruited me and my kids..."

Awesome. I love competing over test scores.

parents

Excerpt from my texts with a parent:

"Thank you so much for volunteering."

"No problem. Anything for my [Texas]."

"He's a lucky little boy."

"I think we're the lucky ones."

educational research

We've been talking about research ethics for over an hour.

I know this already (Wellesley!) and I have an attitude.

sight words

I am really trying to find ways to make sure my kids meet the 100-sight-words goal for the end of the year. In an effort to better maintain and incorporate sight words I am:

• Introducing 3 per week now, to be upped to 4 in January
• Hanging them by the door so that every child has to read them coming in or going out of the classroom
• Starting the day by reading the Word Wall with my class
• Putting differentiated flashcards at every child's seat for them to practice
• Giving "spelling tests" each week to get a general idea of progress
• Tracking which words they know, rather than just how many (this should have been more obvious last year, but I didn't have a good system)
• Considering completely redoing the Word Wall

scenes from painting

frizz

70%

We are at an overal 70% alphabet mastery, as a class.

racing

The best part of my day today came during dismissal. Eli (pseudonym) was the last child to be picked up. He's a wiggler but his mom is about to have twins and in the wake of her contractions he has simmered a little.

While we waited, we raced. Back and forth down the parking lot until he was out of breath. Then, he sat down - tired - for two whole minutes.

day 31

Duck Duck (obv a nickname) raised his hand.

"When N is doing the wrong thing, I remind him by going like this [thumbs down]."

I am in love with this sweet rainbow-loving child.

october blues

Last year at the end of October I had a mini-meltdown. I was not sleeping, eating, or taking care of myself in any way - physical or emotional. And I was in denial. I remember thinking that I literally could not sustain myself on that routine for nine months. If you're a new teacher and you're reading this, it gets better.

However, even in my second year, I'm not happy. I don't love going to work. I don't feel excited to see my kids everyday. Even though literally everything is easier, I'm still not happy. Everything did not magically click into place. 

I'm fresh off of a three day weekend, in which I did everything in my power to forget that I have an all consuming job -- I went to the library, read half of On Beauty, wrote letters to friends, cooked a whole chicken, got a haircut, went out to dinner (twice!), cleaned my apartment. These are all things I would not have dreamt of doing at this time last year. 

I guess I'm confused because I still don't want to be here at school. I'm still not sure how on earth I am going to get my centers to where they need to be so that my admin will get off my back about small groups. I'm still feeling guilty that I'm having a life at the expense of my students' education. I'm still not motivated to go looking for the missing "October" sign for the calendar, or to fix my student gallery, or to clean off the tables, or to prepare for today. I guess this is October blues. 

an excerpt

From a letter than I had to write for N's Doctor:

·         Lack of ability to control impulse

o    Examples: Hitting classmates, getting out of line, playing on the stairs, touching things that are not his, scribbling on pages instead of doing work, talking out of turn.

·         Lack of ability to ignore distractions

o    Example: When there is too much noise, he will block his ears and yell or hum.

o    Example: He is required to wear a tie per school uniform, which he pulls off and plays repeatedly each day.

·         Need for attention from an adult

o    Example: If he is not called on first, he will yell or whine.

o    Example: If his behavior is ignored (I do not acknowledge negative behaviors, only positive) he will become very agitated and can cry for 15-40 minutes or more.

·         Need for movement and sensory stimulation

o    Example: Touches surfaces of everything, even familiar objects (i.e., lockers, tables, sinks, walls) repeatedly. This behavior distracts him from other necessary behaviors.

o    Example: Shouts and makes loud noises during lessons or in the hallways.

·         Difficulty with abstract thinking

o    Example: Struggles with questions during reading such as, “How do you think he is feeling?” or “Why do you think he is doing that?”

o    Example: Cannot always read the emotions or expressions of classmates - someone is crying because they were hit and he will say, “X is mad.” or someone is crying and N will laugh, not realizing they are upset. 

I am not sure that I will ever stop being mad about the fact that I cannot give this child what he needs.

day 20-something

I can't even remember. I'm sitting in the hallway while my kids are in Spanish because I can't sit in there and listen to them go bananas with another teacher. Since I'm in the hall I can hear a new teacher realizing that you can't ask Kindergartners to vote by hand raising because they cheat and raise their hands for everything.

After ignoring N crying for an HOUR, per my new strategy, I finally lost my cool and asked, "Do you even know why you're crying?!" He stopped crying, answered "No." in the calmest voice I have ever hear, and then resumed crying.

I have a presentation in class tonight and a paper due with it. After three cups of coffee I have realized that I just cannot do any more than I am currently doing -- thank goodness this is a one-time assignment.

Community schools rock.

greek proverb

A civilization flourishes when people plant trees under which they never plan to sit.

Killed because they called for help

Walwyn Jackson with his newborn child

ANOTHER YOUNG Black man was gunned down by New York City police in early September--one in a long list of people killed by those who were supposed to "protect and serve" them.

On September 7, 26-year-old Walwyn "Smiley" Jackson was shot by police in Queens. His family had called 911 when they found him holding a kitchen knife to his own throat. Jackson was distraught at being unemployed and unable to provide for his 2-week-old son, Landon.

As Jackson's grandmother, Gloria Cameron, said in an interview:

We called 911 because we wanted an ambulance to come to take him to the hospital. He was no threat or harm to anyone but himself. When [the police] came to the door, I didn't want to let them in. They told us to get out of the way and stay downstairs. One of them went for their gun as they went upstairs. I tried to tell them he's sick. I started to cry and then I heard the shot. He never even made a sound.

What little coverage there is in the mainstream media described Jackson simply as an "emotionally disturbed man," wielding a seven-inch knife. "That's what bothers me the most," said another family member. "He wasn't 'emotionally disturbed,' he was just depressed."

WHAT YOU CAN DO

The Graham and Davis families are part of "No Justice, No Peace"--a citywide speaking tour of family members of police violence victims in New York that will take place the first week of October. For information about tour stops and speakers, visit NYCSocialist.org on the web or "No Justice, No Peace" on Facebook.

"We told him not to worry, we'd take care of him" Jackson's mother, Lorna Francis, said in an interview. "But my son, the way I brought him up, he didn't want to depend on anybody."

The family disputes media reports that the police attempted to Taser Jackson first. Many family members also don't believe Jackson was actually going to kill himself. In fact, he hesitated for several hours after first putting the knife to this throat, speaking to his mother and brother on the phone.

"There are no words to express how I feel," Francis said. "They took a good person, they took my life." "[The police] tell too many lies, and they think they can get away with it," she continued. "When you call for help, they take that as their prescription to kill."

According to Francis, no one from the NYPD, the city or any local politician has come to speak to her.

In fact, rather than apologize to the family, the NYPD continues to victimize them, including at the wake at the Jackson family home. According to Francis, the police parked a van down the street, harassed and searched people or their way inside, and even ticketed her 21-year-old son when he picked up a beer can someone had left on the ground outside.

Jackson's family has refused to be intimidated, holding vigils at the house and marches to the precinct to demand that the officer who shot Jackson be held accountable. "I want an indictment," said Francis.

small victory

I have been reading Marie Masterson's 101 Principles for Positive Relationships with Young Children. One principle argues that you should only react to positive behavior, so today I thought I'd give it a try on N.

For example, if he got out of line I would compliment all the people around him for staying in the line. Then, when (if) he got in line, I would compliment him.

Well, it wasn't going so well. Every time I complimented someone else he would throw a tantrum. The only reason I was still trying it was for consistency. So, we were in the hall, screaming, in the corner. It took every ounce of energy not to acknowledge it. For FIFTEEN minutes.

We started walking back to class and I ignored him, hoping he wouldn't call my bluff and stay in the hallway. And he didn't. That little bugger got back in line on his own.

Valentine for Ernest Mann

You can't order a poem like you order a taco.
Walk up to the counter, say, "I'll take two"
and expect it to be handed back to you
on a shiny plate.

Still, I like your spirit.
Anyone who says, "Here's my address,
write me a poem," deserves something in reply.
So I'll tell you a secret instead:
poems hide. In the bottoms of our shoes,
they are sleeping. They are the shadows
drifting across our ceilings the moment
before we wake up. What we have to do
is live in a way that lets us find them.

Once I knew a man who gave his wife
two skunks for a valentine.
He couldn't understand why she was crying.
"I thought they had such beautiful eyes."
And he was serious. He was a serious man
who lived in a serious way. Nothing was ugly
just because the world said so. He really
liked those skunks. So, he reinvented them
as valentines and they became beautiful.
At least, to him. And the poems that had been hiding
in the eyes of the skunks for centuries
crawled out and curled up at his feet.

Maybe if we reinvent whatever our lives give us
we find poems. Check your garage, the odd sock
in your drawer, the person you almost like, but not quite.
And let me know.

- Naomi Shihab Nye

day 22

"Ms. Haley, my brain is floaty."

Our Donors Choose package arrived today! I love telling children that they are working so hard that people heard about them and want to send them things. It wasn't the same as the day we got the carpet, but it was still very special.

strike is over!

A collective breath of relief just came from thousands of teachers across Chicago.

yoga

Taking deep breaths is a big deal in my class. Last year, I used the strategy all the time to bring the energy down in a busy or hectic moment. This year, I haven't used it as much, but I certainly plan to. I was so happy to find a recent article from Teaching Tolerance that confirms what I have already observed in my classroom: focusing on mindfulness and relaxation techniques improves classroom culture.

strike, week 2

The strike continues today, and apparently the Mayor is taking the CTU to court. One thing to keep in mind as the strike continues: children and teachers will make up the days missed - just like snow days. NO instructional time is being lost, just delayed.

If, after a week of extensive coverage, you still believe that this is just about money please read this summary of the issues.

And if you believe that teachers shouldn't fight for fair pay in general, please know that I make less than $40K. On a 65 hour work week (which, let's be honest, is an underestimation) that's about $11/hour. How would you feel going to a doctor that made only $11/hour? An insurance agent? A lawyer? I know babysitters who make more than that.

If you'd like to read a teacher's voice (rather than the media) about why you should support the strike, please read here.

day 18

"It's easier to take things down than to put them up."

Today was my grade-level partner's last day. We have been a dynamic team for the past year. From the first moment I met her, I knew I liked her. She was smiling, observing from the back of the room -- already supporting me before she had even taken over her own classroom. During quiet time, I would peek across the hallway at her from my desk and she would smile, a reassurance that she was overwhelmed too. During the hardest months for me last winter she would make a Dori face at me, and even hung a sign "Just keep swimming."

She encouraged me, mentored me, laughed with me -- even laughed at me when I needed it. I am certain that I would not be the teacher that I am today without her. This morning during bathroom break I looked out the window and watched Midnight pull away with a heavy heart.

poverty and education

In case you're just tuning in, it's no secret that I think that education can only do so much. It is a myth that we are the farthest country behind in education in the world. It is a reality that we have a lot more people living in poverty than other countries, that we do a poor job supporting said population, and that it translates to their educational success (or lack thereof).

This article makes three points:

1.  Governments have the power to reduce poverty, and reduce it a lot.  European governments do far more towards this goal than does the US government.

2.  It’s unlikely that Americans poor people are twice as lazy or unskilled or dissolute as their European counterparts.  Individual factors may explain differences between individuals, but these explanations have little relevance for the problem of overall poverty.  The focus on individual qualities also has little use as a basis for policy.  European countries have fewer people living in poverty, but not because those countries exhort the poor to lead more virtuous lives and punish them for their improvident ways.  European countries have lower poverty rates because the governments provide money and services to those who need them.

3.  The amount of welfare governments provide does not appear to have a dampening effect on the overall economy.

racking them up

At lunch, which teachers are required to supervise, things get a little crazy at the end (which makes sense because as we collect trays, the kids have nothing to do). We quickly realized that we needed some kind of attention-getter. At the end of lunch we start chanting "One time, one time, two times, one time," etc. They rhymically clap to sound off that they heard us. This is an attention getter that was used a lot last year so kids are familiar with it, and it's catchy. Then, as the kids line up, we do it again so that they are focused on us instead of each other.

Friday, I was chanting. The kids were lining up, all 100 or so of them. Things were going smoothly, although not perfectly. Then, an administrator came in and began yelling "Hands up!" This is another quiet-down strategy we use. After yelling "Hands up!" a few times, children started clapping back at me with their hands in the air, in an attempt to listen to both adults. Comedy.

Finally, exasperated, she turned to me and said, "Ms. Haley. Stop." I was bewildered. I stopped. Chaos ensued. Children began talking and play fighting. She immediately started taking recess away from those children.

The Worst Teacher in Chicago

I appreciate that the CTU is bringing to light some of the larger issues with education in the media.

going for more than one today

My team leader just walked in, and informed me that I would be subbed-out at 2:40 for a grade-level meeting. You know, since the one on Monday wasn't good enough. Obviously I asked why. She said, "To talk about your schedule." This woman is determined to stop me from just closing my door and teaching -- and frankly, it's getting on my nerves. Mer-it badge.

work email

Has been down all week (and I'm not a striking teacher). #meritbadge

day 15

Today, I was given a little bit of hope.

We did a lesson on self control. First, I blew a bunch of bubbles and they went crazy popping them. N was in the time out doing the usual, "What about me?!" whine. I really wanted him to be a part of the lesson, so as soon as he got himself together I let him come back. He seated himself just in time for the next part of the lesson.

I asked, "What is self control?" Parents everywhere came straight out of their children's mouths. Control your mouth. Keep your body to yourself. I then explained that self control is a part of the brain that we use to keep ourselves from just doing anything we want. Do you see where I was going?

I then challenged them to use their self control to NOT pop the bubbles when I blew them (Ms. H, my doppleganger, accused me of torture when I told her about my plan for this lesson).

When I got to N, after not getting to pop any bubbles, I reminded him to use self control. Then I blew a cloud of bubbles at him. That little boy did not touch one bubble.

But that's not the best part. As I began to praise him, the entire class erupted into applause for him.

For the first time, everyone supported him and the feeling in the room soared.

16:35

Our new bathroom time shaved SIX minutes off of our old bathroom time from two weeks ago. Victory!

hi/lo

Hi:

Attempting to explain a lunchtime fiasco in which N apparently took off his shirt, covered it in mustard, and threw it on the floor, to N's mother with two colleagues in the car. I literally almost lost it -- the first time today I had laughed at one of N's antics.

And a close second: spending recess with Puzzles (nickname). She hasn't been happy at school yet and she certainly won't talk to me. Today, she asked to stay in with me so I let her. We did a puzzle while I ate my lunch and she quickly explained that she is good at puzzles because she practiced with "the lady at the police office where they take you to take care of you and that's why [she] lives with her aunt." We really got to bond today and it was beautiful.

Lo:

N crying on the floor (not an uncommon occurrence) before 10am. I cannot even begin to describe how destructive his behavior is. I almost followed suit.

day 13

Lucky number 13! I am having the best day.

• Someone from Donors Choose emailed to say that a partner is looking to fund my whole project. 
• Texas (nickname, of course) brought me a donut as a surprise.
• I facilitated at least two friendships.
• EVERYONE is smiling!

Now here's the part that I wish I didn't have to write: three children are absent today, including N. I plan to sit down tonight and think about what made today different and how I can replicate it.  However, having 20 children instead of 23 is magical -- there's no way around that.

elephant in the dark

Some Hindus have an elephant to show.
No one here has ever seen an elephant.
They bring it at night to a dark room.

One by one, we go in the dark and come out
saying how we experience the animal.

One of us happens to touch the trunk.
"A water-pipe kind of creature."

Another, the ear.
"A very strong, always moving back and forth, fan-animal."

Another, the leg.
"I find it still, like a column on a temple."

Another touches the curved back.
"A leathery throne."

Another, the cleverest, feels the tusk.
"A rounded sword made of porcelain."
He's proud of his description.

Each of us touches one place
and understands the whole in that way.

The palm and the fingers feeling in the dark are
how the senses explore the reality of the elephant.

If each of us held a candle there,
and if we went in together,
we could see it.

--Rumi

will I ever love again?

I don't love my kids. On a lot of days, I don't even like them. I was just talking to another teacher who is having similar doubts about her attachment to her students. We agreed that there was something special about the first time... My relationships last year were such an important part of my classroom. I'm just not sure how things are going to pan out. I know these things take time, but this year everything feels like it's my job, not my life, and that is a very different feeling.

folded hearts

We've got a bully on our hands. Miss A is too worldly in my opinion, and far too apt to roll her eyes at everyone. On Thursday, I got a report from a parent saying that Miss A had called her child ugly and bald. On Friday another student didn't want to come to school because she was worried about Miss A picking on her. I found out about that from the dean.

On Friday afternoon, I changed my plans and did a lesson on name calling. I traced a bunch of hearts and then I told a social story with puppets named after former students. Antonio had called Marica ugly. Marica was hurt. I folded up the heart. Antonio apologized, and her heart opened back up to him. I pointed out, though, that the folds in the heart did not go away. He could never fully undo the damage to her heart. For the first time since school started, I had everyone's attention, even N. After, we cut hearts to remember that everyone only gets one heart and we need to be careful with it.

emotional constancy

One of the biggest struggles I've had over the past two weeks is maintaining emotional constancy. With the demands of starting school and the specific needs of N I found myself in overdrive more often that I should have. I was yelling every day -- not for effect, but because I lost my temper.

Over the past few days, I feel like the magical force that was my unwavering emotional constancy last year is back. Especially with N, I'm noticing a difference. All of my students have relaxed a little and there is less tension in the room.

day 10

Today is going exceedingly well. I am trying to soak up all the good before it slips away into another challenging stretch.

• Four day weekends make me feel so refreshed! Especially when I have visitors. 
• Kids are also feeling refreshed -- and everyone is finally getting routines down.
• N remembered my name
• I did not have lunch duty today. It's amazing what a difference 20 minutes makes. I ate my lunch slowly and was ready to pick them up from recess.
• The speech therapist was in to see N. She suggested that he sit on a chair at the carpet. HUGE difference. 
• I caught a nice big bug! I'm excited to show the kids after quiet time.

day 9

The past few days have been challenging, but also transformative. I began the year very concerned with replicating the management that I had last year -- my mindset was focused on re-creating. It has taken me two weeks to really acknowledge and accept that this year, and every new year, is completely different. With some students, like N, I realized that my "toolkit" of teacher tricks is actually only one year old. I have had to admit that I do not always know what I am doing. I've experienced a lot of humility.

Things are beginning to get better. Of course there are good days and bad days, but overall I see improvement. My staff, especially the special ed teacher, has been very supportive. She came in to observe N and said that she had seen an 80% improvement. I don't know if that's fair to say, but I am glad to hear that it is getting better. And, fortunately for both N and me, the other special ed student was placed in a different class. I finally feel energized and excited about really helping N grow this year.


Quote of the day:
"N, I see you using green. What are you drawing? What's your favorite food?"
"Laser Pancakes."

I don't want to go to work tomorrow. Not even to see D. Or T, who brought me a banana on Friday.

grants

In an effort to find someone who will pay for me to go to the NAEYC national conference, I came across Pets in the Classroom.

You can apply for grants to help you purchase and maintain small mammals, fish, or reptiles in a preK-8. I can't find an application deadline so I figure it must be rolling. Definitely worth checking out!

My first full day with only one 15 minute break. Here we go!

#itsfriday

day 3

I am physically and mentally spent. Today was a hard day -- I was tired, kids were anxious to go home, and overall morale was low.

Then, I found out who my new kids are. One has special needs. I don't know the extent of her needs yet, but I do know that she has a hard time staying quiet and she can't count above 2. The other is an infamous child. The younger half of a dynamic sibling duo. I think that she will be ok, once I get her roped in, but I'm not happy about starting three days late with her.

Because of the shuffling, two great kids were taken from my class in exchange for three very challenging children.

In addition, N continues to exhaust me. He's not defiant, but his body will not allow him to stay still for more than 10-30 seconds. He's constantly touching, rubbing, and laying on everything in the room. I literally have no idea what to do with him.

I hate days like this. I have no energy to write my lesson plans for next week, which are due tonight.

merit badge

A friend of mine devised a system to help her feel better about all the things that are completely out of her control as a teacher: The Merit Badge. Every time something ridiculous happens, we call it a merit badge. No class list on the first day? Merit Badge. Child throws a book at your face? Merit Badge.

They are shuffling the children in Kindergarten around. I could tell you exactly why they are doing that on the third day of school, but instead I'll just say Merit Badge.

If they take D, my rainbow loving child, I might actually have a serious problem.

class size

Our district decided that we needed to house more kids in our kindergarten classrooms. We're all up to 24. I have one aid in my classroom once a week for two hours.

Not that I can't do it, and not that I'm not excited about the opportunity to have another child in my class, but really? These adults are just greedy for the funding that a child brings in. It's a very good idea to put 24 children in a classroom alone with an adult for almost 8 hours straight per day, said no one ever.

day 1

Day 1 went fine. Better than last year's day 1, but certainly no where near perfect. It was so absolutely wonderful to see my kids from last year. They are my heart. Still. It's hard to start over when you have something so good so fresh in your mind.

Surprises

• no one cried, at least not hysterically
• Everyone is WAY bigger (physically) than my ducklings last year
• Being vicious the first day only works on some children
• I have a child, let's call him N, who needs to be redirected every 10 seconds to stay on task. You'll hear more about him. 
• A cucumber held me over until 7pm

Relief 

• It's just easier
• They are just drunk cats, craziness to be expected
• Day 1 is OVER
• It's no longer a surprise that children will find ways to surprise you all day long

Quote of the Day:

"D, what's your favorite color?"

"Rainbow."

firsts

Got my first stress headache of the year today. And today was my first 12-hour day of the year.

I miss being a new teacher -- I was so excited. Because I had no idea what was in store.

new reflection journal

Last year at Institute my CS gave us all notebooks with beautiful handwritten notes inside. Her kindness spurred a habit of reflection that lasted the entire school year. I make it a point to size up my classroom once a week and think about what needs to happen. I also use this space to think and problem-solve about professional failings, understanding that teaching is failing but no one should have to listen to it. I think that reflection is an important part of PD. 

Anyway, my old notebook is nearly-filled and I wanted to start the year fresh. I have been looking everywhere for a notebook that when well with my needs and that I would be willing to carry with me everywhere for a year. Just when I almost gave up, I found this on Etsy. Beautiful children's books, intact, with blank pages added. I have never read the Frances series, but appreciated the reference to my name. Plus the book is hardcover and already worn, so it's ready to be tossed in my bag and lugged everywhere. 

back to it

Tomorrow is my first day back -- not with kids. I have PD for the week before kids come back. It's amazing how quickly Sunday has become my "gather-yourself and get organized" day again. It's a reflex that came back effortlessly, making me feel relief about other skills and habits that will hopefully return.

Now that some of my colleagues are back to work, the word is that although they are working similar hours and just as tired, they are enjoying their work for the first time. Sounds good to me. As much as I loved my kids, I was not happy last year.

A new part of my Sunday ritual is adding something concise at the bottom of my organization system (flexi!) to help me get through the week. If you can think of some inspiration, you should absolutely share. For this week of monotony, meeting new staff, and re-orienting myself in the ways of my poorly run school I chose, "Expect problems and eat them for breakfast." Exactly the kind of thing you want to hear your five-year-old's teacher say.

suspension rates by race

Nearly one in six African-American students was suspended from school during the 2009-10 academic year, more than three times the rate of their white peers, new analysis of federal education data has found. 

That compares with about one in 20 white students, researchers at the Civil Rights Project/Proyecto Derechos Civiles, based at the University of California, Los Angeles, conclude. They use data collected from about half of all school districts in the nation for that year by the U.S. Department of Education’s office for civil rights. 

And for black children with disabilities, the rate was even higher: One in four such students was suspended at least once that year. In some districts, as many as one out of every two black students was suspended. 

“These numbers show clear and consistent racial and ethnic disparities in suspensions across the country,” said John H. Jackson, the president of the Schott Foundation for Public Education, based in Cambridge, Mass., which supports equity in schooling for all students and efforts to improve outcomes for African-American boys. “We are not providing [these students] a fair and substantive opportunity to learn. Any entity not serious about addressing this becomes a co-conspirator in the demise of these children."

-- Ed Week

I'll give you one guess: What state has the highest disparity of suspensions between white and Black students?

gopnik on play in the smithsonian mag

We found children who were better at pretending could reason better about counterfactuals—they were better at thinking about different possibilities. And thinking about possibilities plays a crucial role in the latest understanding about how children learn. The idea is that children at play are like pint-sized scientists testing theories. They imagine ways the world could work and predict the pattern of data that would follow if their theories were true, and then compare that pattern with the pattern they actually see. Even toddlers turn out to be smarter than we would have thought if we ask them the right questions in the right way.  

Play is under pressure right now, as parents and policymakers try to make preschools more like schools. But pretend play is not only important for kids; it’s a crucial part of what makes all humans so smart.

-- Read more

Counterpoint

Can We Please, Just Once, Have A Real Teacher?

BY BRANDON MENDEZ, JAMES MILLER ELEMENTARY SCHOOL STUDENT

You've got to be kidding me. How does this keep happening? I realize that as a fourth-grader I probably don't have the best handle on the financial situation of my school district, but dealing with a new fresh-faced college graduate who doesn't know what he or she is doing year after year is growing just a little bit tiresome. Seriously, can we get an actual teacher in here sometime in the next decade, please? That would be terrific.

Just once, it would be nice to walk into a classroom and see a teacher who has a real, honest-to-God degree in education and not a twentysomething English graduate trying to bolster a middling GPA and a sparse law school application. I don't think it's too much to ask for a qualified educator who has experience standing up in front of a classroom and isn't desperately trying to prove to herself that she's a good person.

I'm not some sort of stepping stone to a larger career, okay? I'm an actual child with a single working mother, and I need to be educated by someone who actually wants to be a teacher, actually comprehends the mechanics of teaching, and won't get completely eaten alive by a classroom full of 10-year-olds within the first two months on the job.

How about a person who can actually teach me math for a change? Boy, wouldn't that be a novel concept!

I fully understand that our nation is currently facing an extreme shortage of teachers and that we all have to make do with what we can get. But does that really mean we have to be stuck with some privileged college grad who completed a five-week training program and now wants to document every single moment of her life-changing year on a Tumblr?

For crying out loud, we're not adopted puppies you can show off to your friends.

Look, we all get it. Underprivileged children occasionally say some really sad things that open your eyes and make you feel as though you've grown as a person, but this is my actual education we're talking about here. Graduating high school is the only way for me to get out of the malignant cycle of poverty endemic to my neighborhood and to many other impoverished neighborhoods throughout the United States. I can't afford to spend these vital few years of my cognitive development becoming a small thread in someone's inspirational narrative.

But hey, how much can I really know, anyway? I haven't had an actual teacher in three years.

august 1

"August is like the Sunday night of a teacher's week." Unless you're Track E, in which case, happy first day of school!

I have begun planning Week 1 of Year 2, which seems daunting as I attempt to remember everything I have ever read, learned, or noticed.

As motivation, I keep going back to this:

intrapreneur \in-truh-pruh-NUR\, noun:

An employee of a large corporation who is given freedom and financial support to create new products, services, systems, etc., and does not have to follow the corporation's usual routines or protocols.

book review: marva collins way

Marva Collins and her school experienced a lot of attention for their methods about 20 years ago. Her philosophy is rooted in high expectations and challenging material for students. She talks about the fact that a good teacher never sits down, never assigns homework that isn't differentiated and meaningful, never makes material less difficult. As a kindergarten teacher, I appreciated her emphasis on phonics. She taught her children skills -- not to rote memorize. She is forever asking children to explain their thinking.

"I am not going to leave you along to become workbook idiots. You are not going to spend your time in here pasting and coloring and circling pictures. We're going to do some thinking in here."

Overall, I think that this book is an excellent read. It definitely got me excited for this school year and all of the growth that I can make with my children.

The Public Schools Austin Students Deserve

In fact, Board of Education member Mahaila Hines recently went as far to suggest our students don’t need libraries and evoked the imagery of “one-room school houses,” saying in those post-Reconstruction facilities we all were “educated just fine.”

-- Brandon Johnson

end to end

The Beginning

Day 1

Day 148

The end.

my first baby afghan

Is being put to good use! And of course, anything looks better with baby L on it.