reflections on our first day back from break

Yesterday went really, really went. We all clearly felt a lot of joy in seeing each other after the break and I would say most of the day was a big lovefest.

I gave everyone new seats and it went really well, especially considering that I did it right before I went down to pick them up. N's full time aid started with him, meaning that by law he is legally guaranteed an adult assistant with him all of the time until he shows that he no longer needs it. I don't have lunch duty this week so I spent my break calling parents and scheduling parent-teacher conferences. I forgot my computer at home which meant I couldn't spend any time procrastinating on my blog.

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Best exchange of the day, from the child who chose the word "family" to describe us, Vee, and N:

"I would like to shout-out N because he was sticking his tongue out at me and I told his to stop and then he stopped."

[As we all are giving love to N] "Vee that's because I love you."

54 days to go

We did a science experiment to discover the necessary elements of life for plants. Each group planted a flower seed with one resource missing: water, light, and soil. The fourth group was our control - they just planted a plant.

Two funny things happened in relation to this experiment. First, during school DuckDuck began to cry a sad, hearty, leaky sort of sob. When I asked what was wrong he answered, "I'm just a little bit sad that our plant isn't going to grow." He was in the "no water" group. Second, after school I was giving the no soil and control plants each a little bit more water to last the weekend and I accidentally watered the "no water" cup. I quickly poured the water off the top before it seeped in, but DuckDuck may have his wish fulfilled after all.

In less exciting news, N was sent home during gym because while he was sitting in the corner for choking a student he found a chisel and chucked it at another student and hit her. I know that he isn't malicious, but it sincerely worries me that his first thought on finding something sharp and heavy is to throw it at another child.

61 days to go

Today was one of those days where nothing crazy happened except me. By the end of the day, I was shouting at a child because he was crying and wouldn't tell me what was wrong, "I'm frustrated because I'm trying to help you and you won't tell me what you need!". A very effective and socially appropriate way to respond to a problem. Turns out he had left an illegal toy in his locker and wanted to get it. This was X, aka Crocodile Tears because that's what he responds to everything with.

In other news, Eli smothered a blue dry erase marker all over his mouth today in math. Then, he started tugging on the marker tip harder and harder until it bled all over his hands and shirt. He couldn't tell me what he was doing or why.

The last straw was at dismissal. Two days ago N was sent home for smacking Jay (Puzzles) to the floor. Another teacher saw it and wrote a referral. When N's mom arrived she asked if she could talk to the little girl. I assumed that she wanted N to apologize. Instead it went like this:

[N's mom]: "Did N hit you?"

"No."

"So N didn't hit you. Ms. Haley..."

[me]: "Not today Jay, earlier this week."

"Ohhh, yes. He did."

"Do you think he did it on purpose or by accident?"

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I realize that his mom handles a lot of stuff. And she should stick up for her baby. BUT are you kidding me?!

Oh, wait. There was one more straw. Today at our "professional development" I was scolded for being on my computer (even though I was participating) while the rest of the room graded papers and had side conversations with their team members. Perfect.

adults, round II

Yesterday I was interrupted at the end of my grade level meeting by a frantic administrative assistant. It was 11:15am and my class was still upstairs in the room! They need to be taken to lunch! They're already five minutes late!

I went dashing up to my classroom to find utter chaos. The computer teacher apparently decided that she should move some children from blue to red (rather than incrementally, one color at a time). Children were crying and several had been hit by either Eli or N. Or both.

We transitioned fairly quickly to lunch and I was able to stop most of the tears by about 11:20.

Here's the kicker: guess where the computer teacher was headed, that she was so busy she couldn't take my class down to the cafeteria?

Lunch Duty. That's right. She kept my kids and made them almost 10 minutes late to their 20 minute lunch because she didn't want to walk them down. Then, she followed.us.down.to.the.cafeteria. Not to mention that when I am in a grade-level meeting she is supposed to take them down.

big victories // small victories

Yesterday I was officially informed that N has qualified, as part of his IEP (Individual Education Plan), for a 1:1 aid. Which means that as soon as possible - which I take to mean, by the beginning of next year - he will have a staff member with him full time throughout the day. When I found out, I breathed a sigh of relief. At least now I know that I can send him to first grade with the best possible scenario available at this school.

Also, a personal victory: during his meeting it came up that he used to cry every day before school in PreK. He no longer does that. In fact, his exact words were, "I like school. I'm good at all the things."

reevaluation follow up

Guess what? Nothing happened.

I wish I could say that I was surprised, but I'm not. At this point, I'm not even trying to help myself with N, I'm just trying to make sure he gets what he needs by first grade.

reevaluation

Today is N's big reevaluation meeting. After 6 months of begging on my part, today is the day. We will meet with his mom, every specialist you can think of, and the SPED team.

I have no idea what my expectations should be.

What I do know is that yesterday he was playing and talking so I sent him to the time out. He wouldn't go. Finally, when he did go he spat on the chair. As I wrote his referral, he pulled some of my things off the wall. Then, during lunch he grabbed two boys and knocked their heads together. When his mom came to pick him up, she was crying.

celebrating brain growth

I told my kids if every single person grew in reading and math on the NWEA that we would have a party. Well, they did. So, we did.

First of all, we toasted red Kool-aid to all of their hard work. Then, while they were enjoying their pizza, cookies, and chips they spontaneously began a game of Cup (short for counting up, it is what it sounds like: someone shouts a number and then everyone calls out the next number). Without almost no facilitation from me, they took turns shouting numbers for the whole class, only occasionally making a number up ("80 one hundred thousand!"). As the game was winding down, and I was basking in the learning-related joy, someone asked me to please put on our math songs. We rocked out hard core to The Big Numbers Song, among others.

Finally, we sang the football chant, taught to me by the lovely Ms. Nash, my former grade-level partner and veteran teacher extraordinaire. Basically, everyone chants and then one person comes to the middle to dance. Texas did the robot, DuckDuck did the zombie, and I did the sprinkler. It was loud and blissful. At the end of the chant, we called N over from time out to "do your thing" and it was the only good moment of the day for him. I really needed to have such a good day with them.

eli the enigma

Everyone I work with knows Eli. He's smart, articulate, and a damn fool. He can already read a level D book with ease, knows more sight words than any Kindergartner I have ever met, and can order numbers like nobody's business.

But.he.is.so.awful. When someone mistakenly says a wrong answer, he makes fun of them. When someone gets in trouble he laughs behind their back. Last week, he scratched Sweet T on the face during recess and then proceeded to pummel him with his fists until another teacher pulled him off. He hits other children and shows no remorse. And frankly, it's that lack of remorse that really worries me. How do you, dear six-year-old, make another person bleed and not at least take pause? To say that he has ADHD would be an understatement, but of course I wouldn't say that because I am not professionally qualified to say such things.

He also has a lot of trouble with personal care. He is clumsy, constantly falling all over himself. For the first three months of school his fly was open more than it was closed, and he often comes out of the bathroom with his clothes in complete disarray. He has that a Pig-Pen air about him, exuding dirt that I can't quite see.

He's gotten in a lot of trouble with me, but the only time I have ever seen him cry was when I forgot to give him his personal note from his Third Grade Buddy. Even though his big, sad, innocent eyes humanized him, it was short-lived.

Well, today sweet Eli was a jerk, which caused a very wonderful thing to happen.

N was on red and really struggling in the morning, just two hours into our day. I was seriously concerned about the next four hours. Eli raised his hand and it went something like this:

N: I didn't do nothin... I didn't do nothin... I didn't do nothin... I didn't do nothin... I didn't do nothin...

ELI: N just pushed Texas.

MS HALEY: N, we do not push our friends. And you are talking in the hallway. You are already on red. I'm going to have to send you to the office.

[N hangs head]

TEXAS: Ms. Haley? N didn't push me. I think Eli might just be trying to get him in trouble.

MS HALEY: [visibly losing temper] Are you KIDDING me? We are all trying to help N be successful. We are family. Why on earth would you try to get him in trouble?! No, no, just go sit in the time out. I don't even want to talk to you.... [turn to N] N, I'm sorry. If that happens again and he's bothering you, please don't shout. Instead, ignore him and raise your hand. I will come and help you.
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Do you know where this is going yet?

In the afternoon, I was covertly watching the boys during bathroom break. I watched as Eli taunted N (clearly not his best day). But N, sweet boy, IGNORED HIM AND RAISED HIS HAND. I literally ran over to him to help because I was so afraid that he would just give up and push Eli.

Our Dean was nearby and when I brought N over to tell him what had happened, N cracked into the biggest smile I have ever seen from him. It changed his face -- it made him look like a little boy.

asl

I have started teaching ASL to my students for some of the more common words and letters that we use every day. For example, letters of the alphabet and months of the year. I always planned to do that last year, too, but it never went beyond "Please" and "Thank you."

Anyway, I just looked over and saw N nearly falling out of his chair trying to read the alphabet in ASL from my picture cards and teach it to himself. He's been having an awful day and that made me a little less frustrated with him.

day 65

So far, Day 65 has been a pretty accurate representation of my day-to-day. Adults annoy me. Children come and restore my faith in my profession. We get some work done. Things aren't perfect but they're good.  Scramble to do some of the menial crap that is inherent in my job and not at all related to children learning. N hits someone. N jumps on top of someone. Adults annoy me. I lose my temper. Someone asks if I'm sick (no one has figured out that I get pale when I'm angry). Mr. Q comes and restores my faith in adults. Repeat, repeat, repeat.

day 57

I feel a little bit like I've already checked out for Thanksgiving -- not academically with my kids, they are still working hard -- but in terms of energy and innovation. I am coasting into that four day weekend like its the biggest vacation of my life. The one upside is that I'm very calm.

I saw my two high groups in buddy reading today. Eli, who has been a terror since his twin siblings were born, is sharp as a tack. On the trick page, he sounded out "but" and "best" without any prompting. I was so proud of him! I have been working so hard with the lower groups that I forgot how far the higher groups have come. I can't wait to test them again after Thanksgiving. Sometimes guided reading is harder than whole group because they are a little harder to control, but it makes me feel like we are headed somewhere. A teacher who has one of my old students, the floor sweeper, complimented me on his reading skills -- something stuck!

During lunch five or six of my girls from last year told me that they want to come back to my class. When I told them they were too smart for me, they told me that they were learning take-aways.

In other news, N hit another girl. In the face. He had a rough morning with me and then apparently reccess didn't go so well either.

Have you ever read The Bear Snores On? If not, read it. It's such a lovely book about a bear sleeping through a party in his lair. My students told me where their lairs were (DuckDuck: behind his dresser). Then, I told them mine is the library, but what I really meant was the Art Library at Wellesley.

at lunch today

N looked over at me and asked, "Ms. Haley, will you be my friend?"

Yesterday, when his mom picked him up she looked at me like I was about to rip a bandage off her arm. I enthusiastically told her that we had a wonderful lunch together and that he didn't play with any of his food. She started to cry. Sometimes its easy to forget how hard her life must be -- how hard to she works, hopes, fights, dreams for her son.

I sat with him again today so that when she picks him up I will be able to tell her that we had another excellent lunch.

day 51

N dumped out all the alphabet letters from four bags. Then he slapped a girl.

Ms. A took off her shoes so many times I threatened to take them the next time I see them off of her feet.

I squeezed in two guided reading groups, but even with my high kids it's frustrating -- they are all still so low. And the books from my provided curriculum are not the format that I would prefer.


It's been a rough morning. During lunch I listened to an entire symphony and now I feel a little better... but still exhausted.

day 20-something

I can't even remember. I'm sitting in the hallway while my kids are in Spanish because I can't sit in there and listen to them go bananas with another teacher. Since I'm in the hall I can hear a new teacher realizing that you can't ask Kindergartners to vote by hand raising because they cheat and raise their hands for everything.

After ignoring N crying for an HOUR, per my new strategy, I finally lost my cool and asked, "Do you even know why you're crying?!" He stopped crying, answered "No." in the calmest voice I have ever hear, and then resumed crying.

I have a presentation in class tonight and a paper due with it. After three cups of coffee I have realized that I just cannot do any more than I am currently doing -- thank goodness this is a one-time assignment.

small victory

I have been reading Marie Masterson's 101 Principles for Positive Relationships with Young Children. One principle argues that you should only react to positive behavior, so today I thought I'd give it a try on N.

For example, if he got out of line I would compliment all the people around him for staying in the line. Then, when (if) he got in line, I would compliment him.

Well, it wasn't going so well. Every time I complimented someone else he would throw a tantrum. The only reason I was still trying it was for consistency. So, we were in the hall, screaming, in the corner. It took every ounce of energy not to acknowledge it. For FIFTEEN minutes.

We started walking back to class and I ignored him, hoping he wouldn't call my bluff and stay in the hallway. And he didn't. That little bugger got back in line on his own.

day 15

Today, I was given a little bit of hope.

We did a lesson on self control. First, I blew a bunch of bubbles and they went crazy popping them. N was in the time out doing the usual, "What about me?!" whine. I really wanted him to be a part of the lesson, so as soon as he got himself together I let him come back. He seated himself just in time for the next part of the lesson.

I asked, "What is self control?" Parents everywhere came straight out of their children's mouths. Control your mouth. Keep your body to yourself. I then explained that self control is a part of the brain that we use to keep ourselves from just doing anything we want. Do you see where I was going?

I then challenged them to use their self control to NOT pop the bubbles when I blew them (Ms. H, my doppleganger, accused me of torture when I told her about my plan for this lesson).

When I got to N, after not getting to pop any bubbles, I reminded him to use self control. Then I blew a cloud of bubbles at him. That little boy did not touch one bubble.

But that's not the best part. As I began to praise him, the entire class erupted into applause for him.

For the first time, everyone supported him and the feeling in the room soared.

hi/lo

Hi:

Attempting to explain a lunchtime fiasco in which N apparently took off his shirt, covered it in mustard, and threw it on the floor, to N's mother with two colleagues in the car. I literally almost lost it -- the first time today I had laughed at one of N's antics.

And a close second: spending recess with Puzzles (nickname). She hasn't been happy at school yet and she certainly won't talk to me. Today, she asked to stay in with me so I let her. We did a puzzle while I ate my lunch and she quickly explained that she is good at puzzles because she practiced with "the lady at the police office where they take you to take care of you and that's why [she] lives with her aunt." We really got to bond today and it was beautiful.

Lo:

N crying on the floor (not an uncommon occurrence) before 10am. I cannot even begin to describe how destructive his behavior is. I almost followed suit.

day 13

Lucky number 13! I am having the best day.

• Someone from Donors Choose emailed to say that a partner is looking to fund my whole project. 
• Texas (nickname, of course) brought me a donut as a surprise.
• I facilitated at least two friendships.
• EVERYONE is smiling!

Now here's the part that I wish I didn't have to write: three children are absent today, including N. I plan to sit down tonight and think about what made today different and how I can replicate it.  However, having 20 children instead of 23 is magical -- there's no way around that.

folded hearts

We've got a bully on our hands. Miss A is too worldly in my opinion, and far too apt to roll her eyes at everyone. On Thursday, I got a report from a parent saying that Miss A had called her child ugly and bald. On Friday another student didn't want to come to school because she was worried about Miss A picking on her. I found out about that from the dean.

On Friday afternoon, I changed my plans and did a lesson on name calling. I traced a bunch of hearts and then I told a social story with puppets named after former students. Antonio had called Marica ugly. Marica was hurt. I folded up the heart. Antonio apologized, and her heart opened back up to him. I pointed out, though, that the folds in the heart did not go away. He could never fully undo the damage to her heart. For the first time since school started, I had everyone's attention, even N. After, we cut hearts to remember that everyone only gets one heart and we need to be careful with it.