Friday, January 25, 2013

celebrating brain growth

I told my kids if every single person grew in reading and math on the NWEA that we would have a party. Well, they did. So, we did.

First of all, we toasted red Kool-aid to all of their hard work. Then, while they were enjoying their pizza, cookies, and chips they spontaneously began a game of Cup (short for counting up, it is what it sounds like: someone shouts a number and then everyone calls out the next number). Without almost no facilitation from me, they took turns shouting numbers for the whole class, only occasionally making a number up ("80 one hundred thousand!"). As the game was winding down, and I was basking in the learning-related joy, someone asked me to please put on our math songs. We rocked out hard core to The Big Numbers Song, among others.

Finally, we sang the football chant, taught to me by the lovely Ms. Nash, my former grade-level partner and veteran teacher extraordinaire. Basically, everyone chants and then one person comes to the middle to dance. Texas did the robot, DuckDuck did the zombie, and I did the sprinkler. It was loud and blissful. At the end of the chant, we called N over from time out to "do your thing" and it was the only good moment of the day for him. I really needed to have such a good day with them.

Thursday, January 24, 2013

victory soup

I'm sitting in my cozy apartment, eating a healthy homemade meal, doing only mindless school work and things that make me happy. I feel in control of my life and happiness. I am not binging on Friends or cookies (not to say that I'm not eating cookies...).

Twelve hour days still aren't sustainable. I'm still behind on work from when I was sick two weeks ago. It's dark, cold, and wearisome to get up and go to work every day. But! I'm reading every day. And letting my to-do list just be. And drinking in the satisfaction of seeing my babies grow.

It's almost lovely February, and I survived!

remember when I wasn't a team player?

Yeah, me either. I went and talked separately to each member of my team to figure out what exactly I was doing wrong. Better just to know, in my opinion.

Two said that they had no problem, and had heard of no problem. One admitted that the beginning of the year was shaky - but then quickly dismissed her initial concerns, saying that it's been a long time since she felt that way. 

I followed up with my principal in an email, relaying my reflections and my conversations with each member of my team. She has not replied.

sight word update

In October another K teacher told me that she was determined to make sure that her children left reading at least 100 sight words. I promptly panicked and made this list about what I would do for my own children.

Three months later, I don't feel as determined about sight words. I think that they are really important, and I definitely need everyone to read 25-50 or I will die, but memorizing words isn't something I want to waste too much time with. We read our word wall every day, and I am introducing 3 words a week. Do I make my kids personalized flashcards any more? No. On the other hand, that means that I have introduced about 35 words, and my kids know an average of 15 per student. I don't feel great admitting that.

that awful moment when...

You blow your event's budget by paying $25 for rush shipping, submit your order, and then realize that you counted wrong and need one more roll of stickers for $2.50.

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

eli the enigma

Everyone I work with knows Eli. He's smart, articulate, and a damn fool. He can already read a level D book with ease, knows more sight words than any Kindergartner I have ever met, and can order numbers like nobody's business.

But.he.is.so.awful. When someone mistakenly says a wrong answer, he makes fun of them. When someone gets in trouble he laughs behind their back. Last week, he scratched Sweet T on the face during recess and then proceeded to pummel him with his fists until another teacher pulled him off. He hits other children and shows no remorse. And frankly, it's that lack of remorse that really worries me. How do you, dear six-year-old, make another person bleed and not at least take pause? To say that he has ADHD would be an understatement, but of course I wouldn't say that because I am not professionally qualified to say such things.

He also has a lot of trouble with personal care. He is clumsy, constantly falling all over himself. For the first three months of school his fly was open more than it was closed, and he often comes out of the bathroom with his clothes in complete disarray. He has that a Pig-Pen air about him, exuding dirt that I can't quite see.

He's gotten in a lot of trouble with me, but the only time I have ever seen him cry was when I forgot to give him his personal note from his Third Grade Buddy. Even though his big, sad, innocent eyes humanized him, it was short-lived.

Well, today sweet Eli was a jerk, which caused a very wonderful thing to happen.

N was on red and really struggling in the morning, just two hours into our day. I was seriously concerned about the next four hours. Eli raised his hand and it went something like this:

N: I didn't do nothin... I didn't do nothin... I didn't do nothin... I didn't do nothin... I didn't do nothin...

ELI: N just pushed Texas.

MS HALEY: N, we do not push our friends. And you are talking in the hallway. You are already on red. I'm going to have to send you to the office.

[N hangs head]

TEXAS: Ms. Haley? N didn't push me. I think Eli might just be trying to get him in trouble.

MS HALEY: [visibly losing temper] Are you KIDDING me? We are all trying to help N be successful. We are family. Why on earth would you try to get him in trouble?! No, no, just go sit in the time out. I don't even want to talk to you.... [turn to N] N, I'm sorry. If that happens again and he's bothering you, please don't shout. Instead, ignore him and raise your hand. I will come and help you.
-------

Do you know where this is going yet?

In the afternoon, I was covertly watching the boys during bathroom break. I watched as Eli taunted N (clearly not his best day). But N, sweet boy, IGNORED HIM AND RAISED HIS HAND. I literally ran over to him to help because I was so afraid that he would just give up and push Eli.

Our Dean was nearby and when I brought N over to tell him what had happened, N cracked into the biggest smile I have ever seen from him. It changed his face -- it made him look like a little boy.

I have no idea what day it is

But I do know that I'm planning the 100 Days of School Celebration next week at our school. I can't wait to make 100 necklaces, 100 hats, and hundred projects!

to remember when I want to strangle someone today

Children are children wherever they go.

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

nwea

Our standarized test is today, for reading. Everyone is taking it at once. This afternoon.

This test is 30% of my overall performance. I hate how much I care.

a warm welcome

Yesterday, my principal left everyone a personal, handwritten note in their mailbox. Everyone received a bookmark-sized piece of paper with some words of encouragement. Ignore for a minute that ackowledging everyone at once totally invalidates the sentiment. My personal, handwritten note? A photocopied paragraph from the evaluation booklet.

My principal copied a paragraph about how to be a team player, and then wrote me a note about how I am not. She further encouraged me to reflect on this problem of mine, since it is unacceptable.

I went to talk to her about it yesterday after school and all she could tell me is that "multiple people have complained."

Now, I do not have the relationship that I had with my team last year -- but that team was graced with a rare chemistry. This year, I do not love my team. We do not spend time outside of school together. But do we need to, to be effective? I'm actually asking from a professional standpoint. Do I need to be friends with my colleagues? What is the relationship that I should be seeking and fostering?

on being sick

Last week I took my first sick day(s) since high school and stayed home with some rotten something that kept me on the couch watching 30 Rock for four days straight. The experience has led me to a few realizations.

First, while I laid on the linoleum floor of an empty classroom for three hours on Monday waiting for someone to tell me it was ok to go home, I realized that no one will ever advocate for me here.

Second, when I came back to a mountain of work that is manageable but unpleasant, I realized that I don't want to do this forever. The trenches are not for me.

It's January, and it's my least favorite month of the year.