in an effort to get my life back together...

I'm going to try to post something funny or weird from the babies every day once a week? Let's be honest.

First though, I LOVE my new co-teacher. We often interrupt each other to say the same thing. We are literally of the same mind and it makes every day just so much fun. Also, she makes me laugh.

Ok, now for the funny babies --

Me: What is this?

Student: A comma.

Me: Right. And what do we use it for?

Student: We use commas because they are commas and we really should use them because we like them and they are commas.


Perfection.

october, the doomed month

I  writing finally at the end of October to say that the past month, and especially the past week have been the most difficult since I've started teaching. 

I have a child, Clifford, whose mother was removed from his home by ACS after he came to school with burns on his body. 

I have a child who regularly hits, scratches, bites, and slaps. 

I have a child who, at 6 years old, is doing kindergarten again. Last week he told me he was trying to pull his teeth out because he wants to die. 

I am just completely spent. My colleagues are supportive. My school has lots of resources. I'm thankful for where I work. But. I. Am. Exhausted. 

Here's to a new month, and hopefully a new era in Wellesley. 

day 9

"Ms. Haley, I'm changing my name. My name isn't going to be Zoe any more. It's Superwoman."


In other news, this management-without-colors is a handful. All of the sudden I need to be really creative all the time. Literally, the way that I am handling children is exactly the opposite of what I was doing before. TFA was all children-listen-no-excuses. Now, I'm like, "Oh, you shouldn't jump down the stairs because it's dangerous." And of course, a color change is a lot more convincing to a five year old than danger.

Frankly, I am really struggling - this is hell for a perfectionist.

year 3, t-1

Although I'm just about halfway to veteran status, tomorrow is going to bring a lot of firsts: my first day at my new school, my first day as a co-teacher, and my first day teaching the 28 lovelies who will call our classroom home for the next year.

I am so calm that I am worried about how calm I am. I cannot believe what a difference it makes to have a school, a principal, and a whole team who supports you.

Here are what I presume to be my biggest challenges this year:

1. Co-teaching. My co-teacher, Mrs. B (you should know that our names rhyme and its totally cute), is amazing. If I could have picked anyone to teach with she would have been one of my first choices. But co-teaching, no matter who you are paired with, is really hard. I have a lot to learn about sharing my physical and mental space with another adult for 10 hours a day.
2. Management. Jokes? No, I'm serious. I am a master of what I would call Tier 2 management. Tier 1 is kiddos running wild, so Tier 2 is perfect order and organization, BUT it's entirely teacher directed. Kids know how to get in line because you assigned a line order so they don't even need to think to do it. Tier 3 is what my school (and I) are aiming for: children get in line because they understand social rules and they are caring enough to allow their friends to find a spot. No line spots. Hard work, big payoff. I'm going for growing good humans this year! 
3. Not losing myself. For the past two years, I've developed opinions. Now, I'm around a whole bunch of other smart people who also have opinions. My first instinct is to defer to the experts. I have to keep reminding myself that sometimes I am also the expert. Tricky. 
4. Going paperless. I traded in the SexyFlexy for an iPad. My goal is to keep my life organized on a tablet instead of a notebook. I actually think that it allows for more powerful organization. If you are at all interested in hearing about how I am managing, please hit me up!
5. Learning 250 names. 'Nough said. 

On Friday, a colleague said to me that he taught for 7 years before joining our team, and he learned more in one year at my new school that he had learned in all of the other years combined.

Get ready, Wellesley Waves!

updates are necessary

Let's start with the part where I work at a new school now. In New York. That I LOVE.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Ln8K3Lh1Iw

reasons why my new job is amazing

1. We have a nurse practitioner on site every day during school hours who will work out of a real exam room to diagnose and treat students. Once a week a pediatrician will also be in the building. 
2. Said NP and Pediatrician work out of a clinic committed to serving our kids through high school. 
3. Today when tech gave me a hard time about my laptop the woman in charge of tech went and fixed it for me and then made me swear that next time I would let her handle it so that I wouldn't have to deal with any of the stress. 
4. My health, dental, and vision is completely covered through benefits. And the company matches mt retirement contributions. 

Like so many other cities (New York City, Detroit, and Philadelphia to name a few) we have no teacher shortages.  We have teacher surpluses.  And yet, TFA is still placing first year novice corps members in places like Chicago. To put it bluntly, the last thing our students undergoing mass school closings, budget cuts, and chaotic school policy need is short-term, poorly-trained novices.  Teach for America is not needed in Chicago.  Teach for America is not needed in most places.

http://atthechalkface.com/2013/06/30/an-open-letter-to-new-teach-for-america-recruits/

Overcome any bitterness that may have come because you were not up to the magnitude of the pain that was entrusted to you. 

Sufi wisdom

8 days to go

Every once in a while I think that my school has finally revealed all of the ridiculousness that it has to offer and that is when I get completely caught off guard.

Two important pieces of information critical to understanding my rant:

1. A second grade teacher at my school is moving back to CA. Since her sister is graduating next weekend, she requested to leave early and not come back. This request was approved. 
2. My students graduate next Wednesday and do not come back for the last three days of school. 

Ok. So today I received an email saying that I would be responsible for substituting in that second grade class after my own class has graduated.

I see so many problems with that, but the first and most pressing is that I don't know the children. I don't even know their names, and frankly I don't have any desire to play the name game with students two days before summer vacation.

Second, I can't have my own students help me pack my class (which is what most higher level teachers do). Trust me, I've tried. It doesn't go well. I planned to wait to pack up my class until after the kids were gone.

More important than any of that, in my opinion: WE HAVE STAFF WHOSE JOB IT IS TO SUBSTITUTE. No one is willing to tell me what they will be doing those days.

In an attempt to be an adult about the situation, I emailed and asked about the designated substituting staff. My principal replied that they are "busy with end of year duties," and that this was her decision [tough] so I should see her with any further questions.

I saw her. It did nothing. I summarized my concerns and she said, "My problem with you is that you have ideas about what you want to do, and I'm the principal so I need to just tell you what to do and you need to deal with it." When I pushed harder, specifically stating that I don't think it is fair that another teacher is leaving early and I am being punished she began to repeat the same sentence over and over: "Ms. Q is not coming back next year." She must have said it 15 times in response to 15 different things I brought up before I finally walked away.

Resolution: I'm taking a sick day on the day that I was supposed to sub.

caught off guard

My rainbow child, DuckDuck, was absent on Monday. Since he isn't usually absent I noticed but didn't think too much of it. Tuesday during circle time he raised his hand. I called on him and he said, with all the monotone inherent in young children delivering bad news, "My uncle was shot yesterday. He might come home. He might not."

Ladies and gentleman, that is the third time that this has happened to one of my students in two years. And I'm not counting all the relatives who are shot before I meet my students.

My heart goes out to Duck's mom who showed up at dismissal physically frazzled and red-eyed, but still calm.

silver lining

I started the morning with two chaperones. By the time we left I had a total of seven.

The weather created the biggest waves I've ever seen on Lake Michigan and I got to watch as some of my kids saw big waves for the first time.

I taught my kids the word "skyscraper" a few weeks ago. Without prompting I heard someone shout, "I see a skyscraper!!"

When we had no place to sit at lunch we laid out my coat on the floor and had a picnic. One of my students who has a really hard time sharing watched me share my lunch and then decided to share her candy (big deal).

We got to see at least three of the animals on my dress.

Two of my three group members, after we watched a zoo keeper prepare lunch for the birdhouse, decided they want to be zookeepers, too.

zoo

I am all kinds of grumpy. Today is our last field trip. I'm wearing a fabulous Frizz dress. We've been talking about the zoo for weeks.

It's 50 degrees outside and supposed to rain. And I have a cold. The entire day hinges on my ability to operate at a level 10 in terms of enthusiasm.

priceless

Watching a former student quietly attempt to reattach a leaf that fell off her plant with an increasing look of confusion on her face.

teaching is like running a marathon

A coworker (Ms. H) and I signed up to do a half marathon together, coinciding with the end of the school year. I think we both appreciate the parallel structure of grueling exercise and grueling jobs. I'm in my third week of training and so far so good. I've never run distance before so I'm just training to finish -- if it takes me 2 1/2 hours I don't mind one bit. 

When I told my kids they were really excited about the idea of me "racing" Ms. H. 

meet oscar

He's our new class pet!

funny story

My principal just conducted my formal evaluation on Wednesday. We met today to talk about it. Things that she specifically asked me to note and work on:

• Don't try to get a higher score (because she could sense I was "trying" since I was asking what I could do to get better)
• Be less urgent
• Last year I wasn't working on building responsibility in my students. This year I am, but that doesn't matter. Because last year I wasn't. 
• I am not warm and caring with my students because I'm too focused on learning. 

My score is actually fine and I'm really not worried about it, but sometimes I just can't believe the things this woman says. 

grade-level partner

Another one down. The woman who replaced the lovely Ms. N at the beginning of the year is no longer with us. It sounds as though she had some health concerns but she also didn't show up at all last week without calling or emailing. Everyone was pretty worried. Then she was supposed to be in today and didn't come. Apparently, that led my principal to decide to let her go.

I don't know what to think -- except, I feel really bad for her children and their families. What an awful way to end their first year of school.

teacher's lounge saga pt. II

My principal called me into her office today to talk about my formal observation (Wednesday) and also about the alleged gossip. I tried to be as open as possible with her about my frustrations and concerns. I actually would love it if she became a better leader. I tried to tell her that I would much rather have a conversation than a blanket email. At the end she said something that just made me so sad...

"I need you to remember, if nothing else, change in education is slow."

Maybe that is true, but let's not expect it. She also told me I was bitter and could easily become a toxic influence. That I am a different teacher than I am this year. That the "balls" I was handed this year are not being juggled as easily.

insect lore

I just ordered butterflies! It's my favorite time of year! Very hungry caterpillar, symmetry painting, camouflage, huzzah!

45 days left to go

From Friday right before an early dismissal for staff, an excerpt of an email from the principal titled, "Teacher's Lounge":

Remember that whatever you say in that lounge can and will be repeated to the administration, so I wonder why do it?

Her email is perhaps 3-5 paragraphs of rambling about negativity and how she just can't let it go. While I respect that she is in fact distressed about the negativity in her school, I take issue with her email for the following reasons:

• She is asking every staff member to call into question all of their colleagues. The message I got was, "Trust no one."
• She is effectively destroying one of the only safe spaces for teachers in the building. Already, everyone I have talked to has said that they won't eat in there any more. This is especially difficult for me because I personally spent the first two months of school getting teachers to eat together.  
• She specifically notes that she was advised not to send the email but does it anyway.
• She has made it very clear that we are not to bother her about anything unless it is an absolute necessity. Literally, she has said, "Don't ask me. You have a team leader for that." 
• Even when teachers do bring concerns to administration, those concerns are not always addressed or resolved. 
• She made no effort to personally address the problem. 

Some teachers have nervously pointed out that they hope they are not called into her office about this email. Frankly, I hope I am. I think that she really needs to reflect on the expectations she set at the beginning of the year and how that affects the culture of our school.