reevaluation

Today is N's big reevaluation meeting. After 6 months of begging on my part, today is the day. We will meet with his mom, every specialist you can think of, and the SPED team.

I have no idea what my expectations should be.

What I do know is that yesterday he was playing and talking so I sent him to the time out. He wouldn't go. Finally, when he did go he spat on the chair. As I wrote his referral, he pulled some of my things off the wall. Then, during lunch he grabbed two boys and knocked their heads together. When his mom came to pick him up, she was crying.

mental health days

I took a mental health day yesterday, but I'm not sure it was worth it seeing my classroom today.

All of our good substitutes are either gone (quit) or out with a broken ankle. I came back to find my desk buried in three piles of random shit (not mine), two notes about poor behavior, and general disaster.

Days like this make me think, yes, I'm ready to sell out. Where do I sign so that I can take a day off and not come back to complete and utter chaos?

78 days to go

Vee approached me today to inform me that she had changed her name. A quiet, timid child, I figured that something very epic must have happened to cause such a sudden change of heart about her name. I inquired.

"I asked my mom if I could change my name to Shanaynay and she said yes. So I did."

Highlights from our shout-outs today:

• DuckDuck, "I would like to shout out Kyle because when I [reminded him not to talk in the hall], he listened. 
• Dee, "I would like to shout out M because I really wanted the pink one [marker] and she let me have it first."
• Texas, "I would like to shout out Jay because today in gym when I was crying she rubbed my back."
• And the BEST, Jamari, "I would like to shout out X because today at lunch I wasn't sure about the meatballs but then he tried them and he told me that they were ok."

thoughtfulness

Today during calendar time I mentioned to my class that a very special teacher had a birthday this past weekend, Ms. H -- the third grade teacher of our third grade buddies, aka hero of the universe.

After recess, DuckDuck approached me with a piece of construction paper and a piece of plain paper, "Ms. Haley do you have some glue so that I can make this into a real card?" Not only did he remember that yesterday was Ms. H's birthday for more than four hours, he made her a card WITH A PAPER INSERT.

Not even I can beat that, and I am an avid birthday card sender.

valentine's day

The difference between my first and second year: worry.

Last year I worried about decorating the bags, I worried about making sure that everyone got one of each candy, and I worried about all those children walking around at the same time.

This year, I clearly explained the directions and then I let them go. The only thing I cared about was that they were polite ("HEY! Gimme one of those!!" had to be gently squashed a couple of times). And it was the first classroom party that I actually stopped and enjoyed. There was a lot of love in the room for each other, our buddies, and our buddy-teacher.

And then I had a wonderful evening. Not bad.

Now I just need to get through a day of children hungover from candy.

excerpt from Wendy Kopp's email about appointing new CEOs in TFA

We are undertaking these changes to ensure that we have the leadership capacity necessary to tackle our rapidly growing needs and opportunities. Over the last five years, Teach For America has doubled in size, from 5,000 corps members to more than 10,000, from 26 communities to 46. Today we are investing more than ever in growing in scale and diversity, increasing the impact of corps members, and fostering the leadership of alumni. Meanwhile, in the six years since I co-founded Teach For All, it has expanded into a global network of 26 independent organizations that, like Teach For America, are enlisting their nations' most promising future leaders to become lifelong advocates for educational excellence and equity.

Reading this, I don't feel hope or excitement. I feel trepidation about that rapid growth. We're not a perfect model and I don't think getting bigger is going to make us more perfect.

status update on N

He fell out of his chair head first today. His legs were over the back and his head was on the floor. He, not surprisingly, lost his balance.

That's how he's doing.

roadblocks

Something that happened today serves as a perfect example of everything I find frustrating about my school.

My school janitor arrived at my door with a trash bag full of red owls. He had no idea what they were for or why he was bringing them to me. His apathy was easily forgivable -- it's not his job.

During lunch, I asked one of the team leaders what the red owls were for (two more were stuffed in my mailbox, the office was clearly suffering an invasion). She replied, "We are getting a new mascot. They are for the children from the principal. You should hand them out today." Our mascot is already an owl.

During recess, I asked the other team leader what the red owls were for. She replied, "I don't know. They arrived today. [Our principal] wants to increase school spirit, so she bought them." I countered, "They look evil."

After talking to three people, all I know is that I am supposed to spend 5-10 minutes of my already-shortened afternoon handing out evil-looking stuffed animals for no good reason.

we are officially counting down and not up

I hung our count-down chain yesterday so that we can pull a link off everyday and we are officially on the downward swing.

I think with all of the celebrating we did last week my kiddies are feeling accomplished. Too accomplished. Yesterday was a hot mess. I hope that we can actually make some progress today.